I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
