Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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