all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
