i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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