just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
