I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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