Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
