the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
