theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
