There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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