I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
