I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
