Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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