I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
