doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
