Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
