Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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