it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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