dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
