Screwed.edu
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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