Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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