I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
