i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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