I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
