I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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