I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
