Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
