I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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