I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i came on her dog
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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