What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
