omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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