Need sex. Gaining weight.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
