Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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