You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
