Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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