Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
