I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
this hospital has no fireball
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
