My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
