girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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