so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
