Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
