is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
