3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
