is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
