He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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