opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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