Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize