He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
