I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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