people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
