Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
