my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
