I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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