why didn't you poke me back
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
