If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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