so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
