i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
