How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
