just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
