1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
