I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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