after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
