he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
