He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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