you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
