I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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