I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
