im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
