He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
