dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Someone shit on the floor
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
