Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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