It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
