Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
