party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
