You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
