I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
