smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
