wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just threw up on my dentist
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
