Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
