She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
