I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
