Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
