a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
