is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
