You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
