Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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