Having a random hookup so left but love u
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
