just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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