woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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