I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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