I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
