No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
