Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
