Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
