He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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