This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
