It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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