Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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